Digital Nomadism for this TCK

A vicious cycle for a TCK: Packing up, Unpacking, Moving, Transporting, Goodbyes and Hellos

My tiny hands are worn from carrying multiple bags

My arms are filled with big bruises

I beat myself up with my luggage

My heavy load. 

Head heavy, eyes tired. 

Thinking: "I hate this moving business"

Like a drunken haze, we have all said "Never again"

Do not believe it. 

The stares from other travellers at the train, bus, plane

I'm embarrassed and flushed. 

Sweat beads form and my clothes are starting to stick to me. 

Why, oh, why me!? 

Moving again. 

Saying good bye to beautiful places. 

See you soon to my dear friends, colleagues, and acquaintances.

Hello again to another location.

My unsightly bruises on both arms. June 2016.

I've been a digital nomad for the past few months and my body is weary but I am also a typical restless TCK who just can't seem to find home or stay put. A few things, I've learned from being a digital nomad and working from "home" is that 1) I like being able to be mobile. 2) I can live a peaceful existence and work efficiently on my own. 3) When I need to see people, I need to make an effort to see them. 

Working remotely from the Swiss Alps. May 2016.

I question myself every single day: how did I get here? The past several years has been such a challenging and trying time for me. A career change is difficult. Combined with a changing world and never being satisfied with where I am.

The world is changing and becoming incredibly volatile. I'm uneasy about it all because it is affecting me on a personal level. I have such an awful time when it comes to applying for visas and whatnot. Sigh. This is not a post for my rant. I am sure there are TCKs out there that can empathise with me on this. Feel free to drop me an email or a Facebook message if you'd like to commiserate.

Atomium, Brussels, Belgium. June 2015

Digital Nomadism. 
Its a thing and so many more companies should embrace this. If there is anything I've learned from my internship is that THIS is possible. I wish more companies would embrace this concept. For starters, I'm currently "funemployed" so decided to embrace this concept of digital nomadism and expand my network reach around the world through my social media channels. Its a dream of mine to be able to work anywhere and inspire others to embrace travel and adventure.
Can one truly work remotely and live a comfortable life? The answer is YES. Its been done and there are so many successful people doing it. I aspire to be able to do this so I'm not a prisoner of location and limited in my career and life aspirations. I just need to find the strength to shut everyone who tells me that its impossible, that I can't do it, that I'm too old, that I'm wasting my time, that I'm running out of time, and to settle down to a mediocre life that everyone else has that I don't want so I can be miserable. I don't want to be miserable.
There is really nothing tying me down and I'm not in the rat race so why not embrace a life that is colorful.
Another thing I learned in 2016 is that I cannot plan my life beyond a few months at a time because something is always going wrong and sh** hits the proverbial fan. Too many things have happened this year in the micro and macro scale that have affected and impacted me on such a personal level that all I can say is c'est la vie.

The life is short, death is inevitable, seize the day.
Malmö Slott, Malmö, Sweden. Feb. 2016

I am a Nomad

Wandering planet earth

Stopping for shelter, food, drink, company, and stories.

Neither here nor there.

Homeless.

Belonging everywhere and nowhere.

Learning languages

Studying cultures

Observing people

And making friends wherever I go.

Missing friends around the world.

I want to be there, there, and there.

I want to go somewhere far 

Finding little rocks I can settle down on for a while.

Settling my weary body, mind, and spirit. 

Blending in

Not blending in. 

Repeating my story. 

No, I don't want to give you my life story but you asked

"Where are you from?"

Are you actually interested?

Or is that a form of small talk and you don't really care.

Or you could also be a wanderer too.

Lets talk.

Lets be friends.

Keep in touch, k? 

Another birthday and I have had the most interesting year (s).

Last year was my 30th birthday and it felt a little bit like a milestone and a relief. I dealt with quite a lot of crap the past couple years so when I turned 30, I was going to make it about me. I really went through a lot of change the past year. Its really incredible how much has changed. Emotionally, physically, mentally, and life in general.

Feeling on top of the world in Milan, June 2014

I did quite a lot of traveling. :-) From July 2012- Dec 2014: A move from NYC to Singapore. Jakarta, Kuala Lumpur, Bali, Malacca, Chiang Mai, Hong Kong, Guangzhou, London, Edinburgh, Zermatt, Berlin, Copenhagen, Lund, Amsterdam, Amsterdam (again), Milan, Barcelona, Valencia, Granada, Seville, Lisbon, Copenhagen, Gothenburg, Stockholm, Malmö, Lund, Stockholm (again).
As I sit here remembering all those times... I am reminded how truly lucky I am to feel like this world is small. I am lucky to be a global citizen and really enjoy making new friends around the world. I got to practice speaking in Swedish (I read short news articles every day now), learned a few key phrases in Spanish, and German (still struggling through on this one), and try to speak Bahasa as well. Seen and experienced different things and adapted myself to take everything in stride.

Gallerie in Milan, June 2014

What a year of change it has been! I have been thinking very introspectively lately and have shifted some goals around in life that will free me. Funny how people tell you that turning 30 is not that big a deal. I think it has been a big deal.

APAP 2010 Showcase, NYC, Jan 2010. Photo Credit: William Hebert

Two years ago, my life crumbled. I had to move out of NYC. I don't want to get into a big whining boohoo TCK... blah blah blah. So skipping that.
I moved back in with my family in Singapore. Started teaching in Singapore, A LOT! Loved all of my students! They really make my day, even when there were days where I just shut down and wanted to cry. I put on a face and braved it through the dance in the studio. From very young students to older adults - they are truly inspirational to me. Each one coming from different backgrounds and living here all that the present time.

Ironically, in teaching a lot more. I lost my creative mojo. I had no time to recuperate and get inspired. I looked around me and people looked drained. Sapped of energy, I had to force the creativity when making a dance for myself and my group of project-based dancers. I applied to participate in the Edinburgh Fringe. Giving myself a deadline and the unfinished work I had started prior to the move. Through emails, video skype, more emails, more video exchanges, some studio time, adding another dancer, more emails... somehow we came together in Scotland and all that hard work came together on the stage for a two week run (everyday). The work became second nature and it became better than I anticipated although there are quite a lot of challenges and tweaks I would love to make if I ever revisit this work again. (maybe)

Performing Habitat, C Venues, Edinburgh Fringe July-Aug 2013. Photo: Kevin Tadge

Oh what a challenge those few months leading up to the festival was! Balancing 48++ hours of teaching dance classes, rehearsing, dealing with adjusting my crazy schedule, a break up, reverse culture shock on a daily basis, and living with my family again. I was stressed out! Wasn't easy.

Somehow I came back from the UK a lot stronger and ready for a fresh start.

September through December was a daily and weekly grind - slowed down a little because I just couldn't handle the crazy schedule. Was still teaching quite a significant amount. I even made a solo for myself and performed it for a studio charity show benefiting relief efforts for the victims of Typhoon Haiyan. Planned a solo Euro trip for myself that winter to celebrate turning 30.

Christmas Market in Berlin, Dec 2013

What an incredible trip that was. I fell in love with the places I went to and myself for being able to do that. I was for the first time in a long time, at peace. No inner demon dialogues. Second-guessing. I was just living in the present.

I have always loved traveling growing up as a TCK and love going to experience and meet new people.

I want to have more of a balanced life. Physically and emotionally I was tired. 

A few months passed and I went away again to see tulips in Holland for Spring. I spent a week in an airbnb and loved just being able to chill out for that week. Met up with some old friends in The Hague and a dancer friend in Amsterdam. I also had fun conversations with locals at cafes.

Keukenhoff gardens, April 2014

The following couple of months after my Spring jaunt in Holland were crazy busy. I was choreographing a school musical, teaching classses, students had to prepare for their dance exams, and a student dance recital. May was such a blur. I thought June would be quieter but it was just as busy teaching. Then summer vacation with my girl friends. Started the trip with a solo couple days in Milan. Then a planned trip through Spain and Portugal with my big 'sis'. I ended the trip with a solo week in Copenhagen and Sweden.

Sagrada Familia, Barcelona. July 2014

The summer trip really just turned me around and my heart spoke to my brain.

Make travel, helping people, being happy, creative, free spirited - a daily part of your life.

I had been contemplating on going back to school at this point and wanted to study something really different. I knew I wanted to do something international travel related in the tourism/hospitality industry but then wasn't sure up until this trip. When I returned, I became serious about it and kept it a big secret b/c I didn't want to get my hopes up if I didn't get into the school I wanted. I will keep dance in my life and have an idea for a solo dance project brewing in my brain. Started working on some basic phrases to kickstart it but nothing solid yet. ;-) Stay tuned for that.

So once again folks, in Third Culture Kid fashion.

I am preparing to move and uproot my life again. This time it is also to change gears a bit and focus on some new skills and experiences. I am at once scared, excited, anxious, and a bit worried. Next few weeks will be preparing for this move.

To turning 31! Skål! Prost! Salud!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Looking back.... Neither Here Nor There film

Throwback to when Director and Documentary Filmmaker, Ema Ryan Yamazaki interviewed me and 5 other New York City based third culture kids (at that time) for her documentary thesis film at NYU film school.

Neither Here Nor There film is now available for $1.99 (USD) for internet streaming through Amazon.

"Neither Here Nor There" is a 35 minute documentary that explores cultural identity for people who have grown up in places other than their home culture, known as Third Culture Kids. Through the stories of six subjects, the film investigates the often overlooked effects on adults who had international upbringings, their struggles to fit in and an eternal search to belong.

I have a funny relationship with seeing images and videos of myself from times past. Part vanity, part reminders, part memory, but most of all it captures a moment and time from my life. A documentation. I am grateful that we have the technology to take instant pictures and loads of videos to capture precious moments in our lives. Often times I forget to take pictures and going to vow to try and take a picture to remember the places, people, events, and who I was and am today. Its always interesting to make comparisons with our past lives. How much have we grown? How different have we become? Who are you in the past? Who are you in the present? Because we cannot predict the future, we only have our past to learn from and our present to experience.


 

TCK Problems: 10 reasons why being part of the majority is uncomfortable

I don't know about you but I've briefly touched about this topic before in my previous posts this past year. I've kept it to myself for the most part but I can't hold it in any longer because I know that there are TCKs who know this exact feeling.

I am uncomfortable being part of a majority group of people.

1) I don't like being stereotyped into a majority lump.

2) I don't really fit "in" the majority.

3) I like feeling unique and standing out.

4) Assuming I know certain languages, rules, customs, local pop culture, local vernacular.

5) Being lectured to.

6) Made a MOCKERY of when I break their preconceived notions.

7) Being put down. No, I don't take negative criticism well. I usually shut it out - but if its being shoved down everyday ALL THE TIME, I'll resent you.

8) On a good day, I'll mess with your head and try to confuse you because of reasons 1-7. Its entertainment to me. :-)

9) I'll ignore you if you insist on assuming I know what you're talking about. And I'll do it VERY DELIBERATELY.

10) Not having to explain everything 3-4 times while you stare blankly at me resulting in me getting extremely frustrated at you.


There you have it. My very obnoxious list of reasons.
I apologize for the rant but I can't hold it in any longer. #tckproblems

This is also mostly, I like discovering the unknown. 

Saying goodbyes

I want to begin this post by pasting and email that my student sent to me before the end of the school year:

Throughout this year of dance, I have learned so many things from you. You have taught me and many others different types of dances and how to choreograph them. Since you have been teaching us, you have been inspiring us to dance one person at a time. All in all, I think that you have been an outstanding teacher, that has taught us a lot about dance.

This email was so touching and it makes it so worthwhile as a dance educator to learn that I've inspired students to love dance and movement as much as I do. I had a blast teaching over a hundred students every day from my alma mater school here in Singapore. Every year that I've been teaching dance, I miss my students when the end of the term, residency, year is over and we're enjoying a bit of time off for the summer. But over the years, I've grown a bit more hardened to saying goodbye to my students and try not to get so attached. I've grown used to saying goodbye.

Goodbyes aren't easy, but I've become accustomed to saying them. I don't know if its just age, because I remember goodbyes being extremely difficult growing up.

As an Adult TCK, are we hardened to saying goodbye to everyone we encounter in this lifetime?

I actually psych myself out by not really saying goodbye but saying "see you soon!" because thats easier to say. The world is a small place, I always run into people from my past. Its so common for TCKs!

A friend from high school passed away last week. I feel quite a bit of remorse for never been able to get a hold of her the first few months I moved back and then just gave up trying to contact her. Gone too soon. Though we drifted apart over the years, I still have fond memories of running track with her, dance rehearsals, theater, and a few other random memories that have popped up this week from high school. Rest in peace Leslie, you are loved by many. I'm glad I got to see you a few years ago when I came to visit Singapore and you showed us around Clarke Quay.

The last day of school at SAS was a couple days ago. The students were crying and hugging each other to say their goodbyes. Some were leaving so they were distraught. My advice to them: Goodbyes are hard. They don't get easy. But as we get older, we get used to saying them.
What's worse than goodbyes? Never having the time to say goodbye or rushing through them. ALWAYS MAKE TIME.

Happy Thanksgiving & A Holiday Party invitation

As the holidays approach, I'm overwhelmed by the sense of community that I've created here in New York. My extended New York family of friends, distant relatives, colleagues, performers, artists, and even my students at the schools I teach. I've created a network and its ever-expanding to reach more and more people.
I'm finding it very difficult to leave this place because I spent the last 7 years of my post-college working young adult life here. Perhaps this is what our TCK parents feel when they set up their job, family, and physical home. How do you pause everything for a career move or in my case, move to be closer to family for a while and hope that when I come back I can pick up wherever I left off. How do I continue my career while in a different location where opportunities are even fewer and not the right match for me?

With that said, I'm very thankful for the life I'm leading here in New York and I have my community to thank as well as my family. My birthday is this Sunday, and this will be the 10th birthday here in the States, I cannot believe that 10 years has passed.

I would like to cordially invite you to A.H. Dance Company's Holiday Fundraiser/ my 28th Birthday party on Dec. 3rd. Details below....

- Alaine


Its that time of year again when we give thanks to all our wonderful supporters by throwing everyone a party at our favorite bar, Stone Creek Bar, 140 E. 27th St, New York, NY

Pair that with fabulous raffle prizes, mini performances, drink specials, bake sale, birthday cake, performance footage from Toronto, and great company...!

Come early and do some holiday shopping with a Stella and Dot stylist, Katherine Clay! www.stelladot.com/katherineclay
7:30-8:30 pm Stella and Dot Trunk Show!

Performances: a capella music by Human Drum Machine & friends, A.H. Dance Company

$15 min. get you 5 raffle tickets, $20 gets you 10 raffle tickets!

Raffle prizes:
Brooklyn Brewery http://www.brooklynbrewery.com/
Chelsea Piers http://www.chelseapiers.com/
The Luxury Spot http://www.theluxuryspot.com/
Aqualia Spa http://www.aqualiaspa.com/
Beautiful Faces http://alainemakeupartist.blogspot.com/
Jivamukti Yoga http://www.jivamuktiyoga.com/
Dance of my Hands http://symmetryofgrace.blogspot.com/
Stella and Dot - Katherine Clay http://www.stelladot.com/katherineclay
La Magdalena http://www.flamenco-con-magdalena.com/