Third Culture Kid Spotlight: Miyon

1. What is your name?

Miyon

2. Where were you born?

South Korea

3. What is your heritage?

Korean

4. Where have you lived and how long at each place?

Not in a chronological order due to travels between countries:

Korea - 6 years

Japan - 6 years

Hong Kong - 2.5 years

New Zealand 0.5 years

U.S.A. - 8 years

5. What is your definition of "home" and how is it different from those around you?

Home is where I feel most comfortable. it is a place where I can meet my friends in the local area. It doesn't have to be a home from childhood, but it is the good memories that make me nostalgic and I call them homes.

6. Where do you consider "home" and why?

I consider my currrent home to be where I am now and where my friends currently live. Wherever I go, it is my being that carry with me. It is the relationships with others that tie me to the common experience associated with them.

7. Do you have interests in the following: foreign languages, international relations, travelling, international politics, different cultures of the world, etc... Yes/No

If so, do you think your background has helped you develop these interests?

Definitely. I am majored in international studies and I speak 3 languages fluently and took foreign language courses in 3 languages during college years. I studied abroad and traveled on my own, and am usually the first one to welcome new people (both international and domestic) that I meet on campus.

8. What are your thoughts on globalization? Current political situation?

Globalization is not something new. It's been there for thousands of years, if not longer. but I see that third culture kids are increasing in number and that will change the political dynamic as it already has including the Obama administration team.

9. How are your thoughts on world affairs different from those around you?

That world affairs is related to borders and how we define borders is tied to the political economy.

10. Do you plan on incorporating a large amount of travel with your career?

I will ultimately. I plan to work in the US and later in China, but I also would like to travel extensively in the future years that follow

11. Any last comments to future Third Culture Kids/Cross Culture Kids, any words of wisdom?

TCKs are unique but we are human just like everyone else. We all have a need for belonging and certainty. When we can embrace both the blessings and challenges from the place of grace, we can unleash the inner power to better serve the humanity. Be gracious to the process and don't forget to follow your passion. You are a gift to the world.

Thank You Miyon!!! If you would like to be a part of this series, please drop me an email at ahdancecompany@gmail.com

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Third Culture Kid spotlight: Teresa L.

I found some of my old research survey answers from 2004 when I began my TCK research journey that started as part of my Senior project dance production "Third Culture Kids" that was part presentation, half documentary film, half dance, and based on the books written about TCKs, expats, and these survey answers by TCKs around the world. I'm unearthing them because our complicated stories need to be heard. 

1. What is your name?
Teresa

2. Where were you born?
Sweden

3. What is your heritage?
My mother is born in Finland to Finnish parents, my father is born in Sweden to a Swedish mother and a Polish father.

4. Where have you lived & how long at each place?
I've lived in Sweden from birth to age 3, from age 3 to age 6 in Maryland, US, from age 6 to age 17 in Sweden, from age 17 to age 18 in Beijing, China, from age 18 to present in Illinois, US, for college and now for graduate education.

5. What is your definition of "home" and how is it different from those around you?
I have several definitions of home, really. Depending on what level of experience with identities that do not depend on some perceived essential quality I perceive in who I am talking to, I use different definitions.

One definition is somewhere that I have lived or live now as well as where my parents live now, considered as facts unattached to emotions or identification. This is the most shallow definition that I use with people who have never lived abroad, for example. This definition is designed to be consistent with how non-TCKs see the world.

Another definition is somewhere I have lived or live now as well as where my parents live now that I did not/do not dislike. This is a definition designed to let people understand me a little bit better if I make the judgement that they might have enough understanding to do so. It is a list only linked by very strong negative emotion to fact.

My most true emotional definition of "home" that I only use to myself is somewhere I feel comfortable and relaxed, somewhere I belong by identification. It is different from others around me that it is for me completely subjectively defined, whereas for most others I meet it is a function of a combination of birth and how long you've stayed somewhere, in other words, facts about your life. As I have found this difference impossible to overcome by explanation, I do not use this definition to other people.

6. Where do you consider "home" and why?
According to the most shallow definition, my homes are Ludvika, Sweden; Frostburg, MD; Beijing, China, Galesburg, IL, Chongqing, China, and Champaign-Urbana, IL.

According to the second definition, my homes are the same as above but without Ludvika, Sweden.

To me, home can be rather delocalized. If I feel comfortable and like I fit in, I feel like I'm in a home. Right now, I am home in Champaign-Urbana. If I go to visit my parents, I go home. I just go from one home to another. Home is not so much a singular place as a set of circumstances and conditions under which you can be happy. Those can be in place in many different places.

If a territory must be named, it would be Beijing, because it is clear to everyone that I live in the third culture there, and it is a major international city that can sustain the cosmopolitan way of life that makes me feel at home. Beijing is a city that is increasingly owned by internationally oriented people as described in "Whose City Is It? Globalization and the Formation of New Claims" (Saskia Sassen, in The Globalization Reader, ed. Lechner and Boli, originally in Globalization and its Discontents (The New Press, 1998), and so although I am clearly a foreigner, it is my place. Also, because I am a clear foreigner, it is clear to everyone that I cannot be expected to conform to and know all of the intricacies of Chinese culture. In Sweden, I was expected to fully conform to social norms that I did not know very well, and this resulted in very painful ostracation and acute cultural marginality. Knowing that this can never happen in China helps make me comfortable there. Beijing also 'took me in' at a time in my life when I was very mentally broken down from this cultural marginalization and let me be whatever mix of cultures I wanted. For these reasons, Sweden is not one of my homes.

7. Do you have interests in the following:
foreign languages Y
international relations Y
travelling Y
international politics Y
different cultures of the world.  Y
If so, do you think your background has helped you develop these interests?
Yes. All of the above seem to me like the sort of thing that one ought to have interest in for one's own good. It's just good, sound, practicality.

8. What are your thoughts on globalization? Current political situation?
I am an Affirmative Global, as described by James N. Rosenau in his book Distant Proximities: Dynamics Beyond Globalization (pp 121-137). I feel very connected to places that are far away physically and have a relative lack of interest for what is going on locally, unless it has wide impolications. I consider the global level of consideration to be the most important for everyone, even people who profess a lack of interest in it. I believe that globalization can bring prosperity to more people than ever before in history. That potential makes it an ethical obligation to try to harness the economical power of globalization in such a way that the world as a whole benefits as much as possible. This may mean in some cases moderating the forces of capitalism, but more often than not this will involve nation-building and construction of infrastructure along with letting market forces generate revenue. I also think that cultural globalization has potential to increase the capacity of people everywhere to empathise with others. This sort of identification could contribute significantly to peace and stability.

Not that I see any way to opt out of globalization in the first place. Economics gives the first push, and the rest follows from there. In lack of alternative economic systems to capitalism, there isn't much any country can do to stay out in the long run.

Recently, I have become aware of just how much the changes globalization have brought are resented and create unrest in people's minds even in Western countries. The sharpness of this backlash has taken me completely by surprise - in accordance with Rosenau's characterization, I do have to note, I should have had warning - and I am having a lot of trouble understanding it. It is also causing trouble for some parts of my identity. The following is from my journal:

The group of people I have trouble identifying with and who feel alien to me are people who hate others on a group basis, be it 'turks', "liberals", or foreigners. That sort of hate breeds so much..... I hesitate to say evil in principle since I don't believe in absolute good and evil, but in lack of a better word I'll say evil and trust you know what I mean. Bad things happen to good people when hate becomes common, no matter why there is hate. Even though I may not be the direct target of the hate, we are all in danger as a society when hate starts spreading, along the lines of both of our concern with recent dubious internments. That's why it makes me feel so queasy when people from one of my countries hate, because I've already blanket identified with them (because we share at least some general culture), and that means that I've blanket identified with people who scare me, and so I feel both like a part of me sickens me and like I've been betrayed!

I find the extent of this backlash troubling and am searching for a suggestion on how to handle it.

The current political situation in the United States is making it very difficult for me to feel American. It is also very difficult for me at times to understand what has happened and is happening after 9/11. It just seems so unreal to me that the US  would issue such objectionable foreign policy. And what is even more incomprehensible to me is how someone who started a war, unprovoked, based on false allegiations and insinuations in defiance of most of the rest of the world including the UN, could possibly make "moral values" part of their running platform and WIN. In my version of reality of Western countries, one of the things that politicians never, ever do is start a war. Never, ever, ever, ever. Even talk of such things is suspect. I could type for hours about the current US political situation, but it is very exhausting to think it all over. We seem to be living in 'interesting times.'

9. How are your thoughts on world affairs different from those around you?
I find that my concerns are very different from those around me in that I am concerned about the world as a whole, not just about the interests of one country or even continent. The intense focus on the US here really bothers me, because it's not good for the country and it's not good for the world. I seem to be looking for win-win situations where regular Americans are looking for America-win-at-any-cost situations. Some element of this thinking is present everywhere, but due to its size, I believe that it is very manifest in the US. Similar trends can be seen in China, a country of comparable size. I consider myself a global citizen, not only because my concept of home is deterritorialized but also because I think it's the only really ethical thing to do. If people are all created equal, then I must apply ethical thought to all people in the world, not just the ones in one particular country.

10. Do you plan on incorporating a large amount of travel with your career?
Yes. I do not think I would be happy only being in one place for the rest of my life. I am actually hoping to expatriate using some company, because it is often much easier to have a company take care of arrangements and I will already have a job when I get there.

The Best Books for Third Culture Kids

I've attended Families in Global Transitions conferences in 2010, 2011, and 2012. One of my favorite activities at the conference besides meeting amazing people like Ruth Van Reken, Jo Parfitt, Tina Quick, Apple Gidley, Julia Lee Simons, Killian Kröll, Eva Lazslo-Herbert, Lois Bushong, Becky Grappo, Isabelle Min, Alice Wu, Cheilaugh Garvey, Margie Ulsh, Mary Wertsch, Craig Toedtman, John Liang, Noel Roberts, and more! I like to check out the bookstore. 

Here's my list of best books for Third Culture Kids:

1) Third Culture Kids, Growing up Among worlds by David C. Pollock & Ruth Van Reken

2) The Global Nomads Guide to University Transition by Tina Quick

3) Sammy's Next Move: Sammy the snail is a traveling snail who lives in different cultures by Helen Maffini

4) Unrooted Childhoods: Memoirs of Growing up Global by Faith Eidse and Nina Sichel 

5) The Mission of Detective Mike: Moving Abroad by Simone T. Costa Eriksson and Ana Serra

6) Home keeps Moving by Heidi Sand-Hart

7) Letters Never Sent by Ruth Van Reken

8) The Global Soul by Pico Iyer

9) Cross Cultural Connections by Duane Elmer

10) Sunshine Soup Nourishing the Global Soul by Jo Parfitt

11) The Art of Coming Home by Craig Storti

This is just a short list (for now) of books that I found helpful. I still have quite a number of books that I have yet to read on my Kindle and storage. 

#TCKCHAT chronicles: The TCK & Dating

I have been volunteering my time to co-host #TCKCHAT on Twitter with some fabulous TCK folks. There is one every two weeks. The next one is on Oct 2nd and it will be at 10 am EST or 10 pm EST. The topics have ranged from being the new kid to dating to mentoring TCKs to transitions. If you are on twitter join in or follow the #tckchat conversations.

I wasn't available for the #tckchats in July so I started in August. I was looking through an old archive and found this gem:

TCK Chat #2: The TCK & Dating storify highlights

Some difficult questions asked. Inspired to answer some of these difficult and I will try and be a bit brutally honest about it.



Q1.How has your TCK upbringing influenced your dating relationships?

I like interesting people that I can have a conversation with on a multitude of subjects and depth of conversation but also someone who can make me feel at ease, laugh, comfortable, safe, etc. This is not just in dating but also how I make friends and connect with people in general. When you find a connection someone it can often be a turn on! On the negative side of things, I get very restless. I don't know how to stop that often nagging feeling and not knowing how to think about the future in terms of dating relationships. Perhaps my biggest obstacle. I am a little bit skeptical about planning too far ahead in the future. In terms of TCK upbringing, its tough to think about where to settle down to find a partner and maybe have children. Who knows what the future will bring. Dating is like playing roulette. You just never know who you will meet, when you meet, how you meet, etc. If timing is everything then you could possibly meet your match at the most wrong time of your life. And then, if you are in a steady relationship, when and if you two will marry and/or start a family together and where in the world. Its just all a lot of stress to think about if you ask me! hahahaha. A bit of a commitment-phobia is common among TCKs and those tough questions are common among TCKs in relationships. I'd say on a personal level, I have a bit of this phobia because I don't know how long I will stay in one place or what forever means.

The Little Mermaid, Copenhagen, Denmark

Q2. In a relationship with a non-TCK, have you anticipated miscommunication because of your TCK upbringing?

Oh my... this is going to bring up a can of worms but I will spare you of the details.
I think whether a TCK or non-TCK miscommunication is the biggest obstacles everyone faces. With TCKs and Non-TCKs relationships, I think perhaps the TCK could be misunderstood that leaving or planning to live in different countries and cities as leaving the relationship. Someone in the #tckchat mentioned this: @DipKidAmber "A2 I applied for a job in China once. My partner took it to mean that I wanted to get away from him when really I just wanted the experience"
Also some TCKs have a bit of a loner streak in them when they grow older to become adults because they spent their youth packing up and moving without much say in where and when they are moving. They may become adults who want to be in control of where, when, how they move (that is IF they move) without much thought on another person. They just assume that other person will move with them and adjust. This can lead to loads of miscommunication that could ultimately make or break a partnership up.

View from Edinburgh Castle, Edinburgh, Scotland

Q3. A TCK and non-TCK come from diff backgrounds. What challenges have you faced to make it work? What pleasantly surprised you?

hahaha... 
Challenges in my previous relationships include long distance, commitment-phobia, not knowing what the future will hold, communication, and wanting different things in life. With that said, I was in a 7 year long relationship in my twenties. He wasn't a TCK and he tried very hard to understand my TCK restlessness. What surprised me was how much I liked stability in that relationship. It was a solid one and I thank him for giving me that at a time in my life that was hectic and stressful due to being an artist in New York City.

From the #tckchat:
@dp_saxon writes "A3: Some non-TCKs seek out relationships w/ TCKs b/c they've always had the spirit to travel but not the opportunity."
My response will always be the fact that the world is small and time is short. Time and health is the most important currency of all so what you do with your time on this earth should reflect that.

@danautanu: "A3. Challenge:Them not getting why I'm not grounded and why it's hard."
Its not that TCKs are not grounded. TCKs have a different grounding where grounding is interchangeable and adaptable. Just like seasons, our life isn't static. I don't think life should ever be static. We are in constant motion. Learning, discovering, and evolving.

Winter in Central Park, New York City

Q4.Does the idea of “settling down” with a partner scare you? Or do you relish the idea of stability after the constant change?

I used to be scared about this. I like the idea of stability but I don't want my future partner to "shackle" me down or want to do the same to him. "Settling down" with a partner means to me more about a partnership of going through life together with its twists, turns, ups and downs, adventures, stability, and difficulties.

@TweetingAuthor wrote: "A4: The concept of settling down is terrifying. From marriage to children, the idea that moving could stop scares me to death."
I don't think marriage or children should ever cause a cessation in moving. What causes the move in the first place? If the answer is to run away from responsibilities then yes, that needs some growth. But if the answer is a career adventure, then why the hell would you not take the opportunity and bring along the person you love and if there are children and pets involved. Bring them along too!

@unsettledtck wrote: "A4: Admittedly the prospect of marriage or something super permanent makes me hyperventilate a little"
This is quite common among many TCKs. I am still scared of permanence and the idea of forever but decided that in the traditional societal contexts we live understand of it - yes, I am terrified of that. But in my own sense and thinking - no, I am not scared. Nothing is permanent in this life. Marriage is a scary concept but so many couplings are choosing not to buy into the construct of traditional marriages with a huge proportion of marriages ending in divorce - who wouldn't be skeptical.

Then we have these responses from the #TCKCHAT:
@marilyngard "But can I go back to Q4 - we got married and embarked on a life raising TCKs - would do it again in a heart beat"
@dp_saxon "A4: I hope to "settle down" with someone who's open to thoughtful and regular change."
@TayoRockson "Yes and sometimes I wonder if my future kids and wife will like to move as well."

Homemade Pandan triple chocolate cookies, New York City

Q5.Change is part of TCK life & can lead to unresolved relationship probs. Do you struggle w/ this now? How do you address this?

Absolutely! I am hyper cautious these days because I do not want misunderstandings, miscommunications, and ultimately break anyone's or my own heart. But to err on this side of things, it can absolutely backfire on me. I let relationships flow naturally whether its dating or friendships because when over-thinking we lose sight of what really matters most. Enjoying another person's company whether its a friendship or a dating situation. Life is short, time is precious, health is not guaranteed. Live a balanced life that makes you content.